Take a Load Off: Three Ways to Avoid Piling Suffering on Top of Pain
We all freak out. It’s totally natural, especially when something physically or emotionally painful happens. In fact, it’s not a bad thing to become concerned when we’re in pain. But then what happens when the pain doesn’t stop?
I don’t know about you, but here’s how my mind works. I get a twinge here, an ache there, a migraine aura, my skin gets fussy….any of my early flare warning signs. At this point, the rational thing would be to go to my handy-dandy predetermined flare coping plan and get started setting up whatever I need to help me get through the flare. Right?
So yeah. Instead of helping me make sure there are clean sheets on my bed and ice packs in the freezer and easy-to-prepare food in the fridge and charging my tablet to prep for Netflix binges, what my mind REALLY wants to do is panic. It wants to run around in circles screaming, “This is a flare! This is NOT A DRILL! This is going to last FOREVER and hurt TERRIBLY and we are NEVER going to get anything done and we are going to lose everything and everyone!” Not a direct quote, but you get my gist.
Notice I said this is what my mind wants to do. And it used to be what I did too. I would get so worked up about flaring up that I would go into full-blown panic attacks, my muscles aching from tension and fear and my gut churning in sympathy. It. Was. Miserable.
Through my training as a therapist and a yoga teacher, I got to learn some other ways of dealing with the panic of an impending flare or a new symptom or pain. Here are three of my favorites:
Tip One: Stop waiting to exhale!
When we’re in pain, we tend to hold our breath. This makes the body even more worried that something terrible is going to happen! If no air is going out, no fresh oxygen can come in, and that’s not a good look.
Here’s a simple trick that has helped me, especially during moments of freak-out or waves of pain/emotions: Inhale through the nose, then blow air out through your mouth as slowly and smoothly as if you were blowing on a spoonful of soup that you don’t want to spill. Repeat as many times as needed, in no rush. The majority of the time, if we focus on the exhale, the inhale will take care of itself.
Tip Two: Back It Up
Sometimes a thought or a feeling seems like all we can see, all that we are, all that we’ll ever be. When we’re in that place, it’s super-easy to get panicky. We have a hard time remembering that we are a person having that experience, not the other way around!
I use this phrase to help me when I get in that overwhelming place, and I teach it to all of my coaching clients. Here goes: I’m noticing I’m having the thought that _____ (insert thought here). You can also use it for feelings: I’m noticing I’m having the emotion of/sensation of__________.
This phrase reminds us that this pain, feeling, thought is not all that we are. It helps us back up just a smidge from the pain itself. Of course, it doesn’t make anything go away. It might help shift us out of the panic, though.
Tip Three: Look Around
Another way that we panic is when we get stuck in believing that the pain is 100% terrible everywhere. Okay, at times that might indeed be true! But other times it’s probably not. I know the last thing we want to do when we’re in pain is pay attention to our bodies, but I’m suggesting that you do. Just for a minute. And in a specific way.
When pain is feeling like it’s everywhere all the time at the same level, and you’re getting overwhelmed by that, check in to see if it’s true. Mentally look around in your body and see if you can find a spot that hurts a little less, maybe even not at all. It could just be a tiny spot, like the toenail on the little toe of your left foot. Or one shoulder is at 97% instead of 100%. When we explore a situation with curiosity, we may find small patches of relief. At the very least, the panic may slow its roll a bit.
Try this at home
Go forth and give these tips a try! I’d love to hear how it goes for you. Oh, and if you like the idea of being better able to predict and prepare for your flares, I’ve put together a toolkit to help you do all that and more. Check it out here. Until next time, be sweet to your spoonie self!
