If you’ve been following along, you’ve collected lots of tips in the past three weeks! We talked about how to set boundaries with others, how to get strategic about what you choose to do this holiday season, and ways to deal with the feelings that come up at this time of year (and other times too!). Since we’re halfway through the month, it’s time to double down on the coping, especially if you celebrate one of the holidays that happens in a couple of weeks.
Everyone, but especially we spoonies, needs a solid self-care strategy. Even more so when under stress or busy. We get a lot of images of what that might look like, usually involving white clothes, candles, and something bubbly. Pretty on Pinterest, but not practical.
When I talk about self-care, I’m talking about the not-so-glamorous stuff. The nitty gritty details that can help your life run more smoothly in the long run. The things that we put off out of fear or because we think we don’t deserve them. We can put them into three categories: physical, emotional, and logistical. Let’s get logistical out of the way first, since it’s a tough one for a lot of us.
Logistical Self-Care
Basically anything that if you don’t do it, bad things could result. This category includes stuff like:
• Paying bills or setting up auto-pay so you don’t forget to pay them. Because brain fog is a thing. And because worrying about whether or not we paid something takes precious spoons.
• Get to know your money. Going through your finances and determining how much money you have/want to put into each type of expense. You can do this on paper, in a spreadsheet, or on one of the many budgeting apps that are out there. (It’s really good to do this BEFORE you buy gifts, go on that trip, or head to the day-after-Christmas sales.) It’s okay to cry if needed, or to ask someone to sit with you while you do it if it feels really scary.
• Laundry. It’s also okay to ask for help with this if you need it. Or do small loads if it’s hard to lift a lot at once. You don’t have to wash everything, but having clean comfy pants can feel really nice. Plus dirt and sweat can irritate many skin diseases.
• Groceries. Because your body can’t do much without fuel. If you have a feeding tube, then this involves making sure you have enough of whatever your nutrition is.
• Car maintenance. If you have a car, at least basics like asking for the tire pressure to be checked to reduce the risk of a blow-out. Some tire places or oil change shops will do this for free even if you didn’t purchase anything from them.
• Refilling medications if you can afford to do so. For many people on insurance, the plan year restarts in January. So take a look at all your meds, including any ones that you take as-needed and might forget about, and refill what you can so you have a supply to carry you into the new year. NOTE: If it is not safe for you for whatever reason to have extra medication around, then ignore this tip!
• Other medical stuff. Like the meds, if you can afford it, especially if you have met your out-of-pocket maximum for the year with your insurance, this is the time to squeeze in any medical tests, appointments, procedures that you might need. Sometimes doctors are willing to work you in or do bloodwork a smidge early if they know that it’ll be more expensive for you to do it next month.
Physical Self-Care
This is often what comes to mind when people talk about self-care. A little more pleasant than logistics:
• Sleep and rest. If you can. Speaks for itself, right?
• Comfortable clothing. Life is uncomfortable enough. Why do we need to wear uncomfortable clothes?
• Stretching & any kind of enjoyable movement. Bodies do need to move a little. It doesn’t have to be miserable, though, and it doesn’t have to be all the time or in a gym. Chair yoga, gardening, doing stuff around the house, a brief wiggle, water aerobics, dancing to your favorite song with your dog, an online qi gong video…you get to decide. (And yes, always check with your physician before starting a new exercise program.)
• Routine maintenance. Yep, I’m going to say flossing. And brushing teeth. And taking meds as prescribed. All of that kind of thing.
• Pampering. Here’s where the face masks, baths, and nail polish come in. If you like that sort of thing.
• Nourishment. This is the part where you actually eat the groceries and drink the water.
• Physical contact (if you choose to). If physical contact with others feels good to you, then hugs and cuddles can go on your self-care menu. If not, then things like weighted blankets, body pillows, and self-massage might feel nice.
Emotional Self-Care
Sometimes this one can be tough too.
• Meaningful activities. Life can feel really blah if we don’t have a sense of purpose. Figuring out something meaningful to do, or connecting what we’re doing with something meaningful, can help with that.
• Connection with others. You don’t have to have an entourage, but having at least one or two people you communicate with on a regular basis helps. Online friends totally count.
• Time alone. We all have a need for alone time. Some people need a little, some a lot. It’s a valid need. Please let yourself have it if you can.
• Learning. You don’t have to be in school to learn. You’re learning right now by reading this post! If there’s something you’re curious about, look it up online, get a library book about it, or find a documentary. New things help keep life feeling fresh, even if we’re stuck in the same old routine, or even if we’re stuck in bed.
• Boundaries. I’ve written about boundaries before, so I’ll just drop this reminder here. It takes boundaries to make the space to do these self-care things.
• Make space for feelings. Like I talked about last week, feelings need some room. Journaling or making art can be one way to do that. Or singing along to a song at the top of your lungs in the car. There are options.
I could go on, but I’ll stop there since I know you’re busy bees.
Make Your List
Now make yourself a list of things from each category that you really want and need to focus on this month. They’re all important, but it’s more effective to pick 3 to 5 items that will make the most difference for you in your life right now. Put your list somewhere you can easily see it or access it.
Each morning, figure out when and how you’ll do those things that day. You can even put it on your calendar if you like. If you miss a day or don’t get them all done, it’s totally okay. You can start again in the next minute, the next morning. Don’t give up on yourself! Something is better than the nothing you had before, right?
That’s it for this week, y’all. If you have questions, let me know. And did you grab your copy of the Chronic Comebacks cheat sheet for answers to those nosy questions people ask us all the time? (It’s part of the Chronic Illness Companion downloadable bundle, which could make a great gift for a fellow spoonie or yourself.) Until next time, be sweet to your spoonie selves!
