This year's been rough—really rough—for a lot of us. And now we’re heading into a time that's challenging for a lot of people in a good year, and even more so when we are facing all the weirdness and losses of dumpster fire 2020. So how to cope? Look, I’ll be real with you. There's nothing that's going to make things awesome. There's nothing that's going to make things the same as they used to be. What there can be is something to help us muddle through and get us into next year, which hopefully will be a little brighter.
You can also revisit my holiday survival posts from last year (which seems like it happened on a different planet!) if you need more tips and tricks.
(I also want to note that I know that Thanksgiving is a very different kind of day if you’re at home versus if you’re in the medical field, emergency services, journalism, grocery, retail, and other essential services. I came from a family where at least one person was at the table in a work uniform because they were on break or about to go to/from work, and sometimes we didn’t get to be together at all because of work. For those of you who are out there making sure the rest of us have what we need, thank you isn’t enough, and I hope you can be as safe and well as possible.)
Feel free to pick and choose and try out and discard any of the things here. We are all so different, and we are all facing different things.
The Head-in-the-Sand Approach
it is totally okay to bury your head in the sand on Wednesday night and pull it out on Friday morning. If you want to pretend that Thanksgiving isn't happening, go for it. You're not obligated to celebrate it. (Plus it has some problematic history anyway). A pro tip: If you go the denial route, you'll probably have to stay off of social media for the day and maybe the day after. It might also be good to avoid anything that has commercials or anything to do with grocery stores. (Just be mindful that as soon as the leftovers hit the fridge, the Christmas stuff will come out all over everywhere, so brace yourself if you’re trying to avoid that one too.)
The Going-All-In Approach
it is also totally okay to dive into decorating, cooking, pulling out videos and pictures from past Thanksgivings, dressing like a sweet potato, watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade (yes, it’s happening this year, just without a crowd), and all that sort of thing. Staying busy and embracing traditions even if everyone isn't there can be comforting in its own way.
The Make-Something-New Approach
if the old traditions are impossible, too difficult, or too sad, it's okay to make your own. Maybe there is a recipe that you been wanting to try but haven't because Aunt Susie is allergic or people wouldn't like it.. Or a game that the people in your household can play peacefully but if you pull it out around the whole family, things get loud. Tradition could even be staying in bed all day watching movies. It doesn’t have to be fancy.
The Gratitude Approach
Hopping on that whole gratitude theme that naturally comes with Thanksgiving, how about expressing your gratitude in whatever way works for you? This could be spending time leaving reviews on books and services that you really love (and making those creators and small business owners really happy! believe me, it warms our hearts to see those), writing messages or letters to important people in your life, making gifts or thinking about gifts to get someone, or even physically doing something nice for somebody. (Make sure to include yourself in your gratitude!) If you have the funds, donating to charity, joining someone’s Patreon, or sending a friend a little surprise can feel good for you and them.
The Retreat Approach
If you have the time and space, you could consider treating this day as time to do those self-pampering and creative things you’ve been wanting to do. Breaking out the journal, craft kit, nail polish, meditation app, novels, etc. can help make the day a little brighter—or at least pass the time.
The Grieving Approach
If you're missing people, places, and things, that's totally understandable. And it's okay to let yourself feel that. Let yourself some time or even the whole day to feel that sadness and loss. You can throw in some sad movies and music to go along with that mood. Wear your gothy best. Take the pressure off yourself. You don't have to feel happy or grateful. Pro tip: Make sure you set something up for yourself later that day or the next day to help you ground yourself, like a check-in with a friend.
The Socially Distanced Butterfly Approach
You might not be able to go to them, but you can still connect over video or phone. Scheduling actual meeting times might be best to make sure that those visits actually happen—besides, it'll give you something solid to look forward to. There are lots of games you can play together online or ways to watch movies together. There are even things like escape rooms that can be done remotely. Zoom just announced that they are lifting the time limits for Zoom calls, so you can hang out together as much (or as little) as you like.
Just a reminder that if visiting with certain people is challenging, it's okay to limit your time with them or even to say you can't make it. And if someone is trying to guilt-trip you into attending an in-person event that doesn't feel safe, you have the right to take care of yourself and say no. This is your body, and your long-term health is more important than their temporary disappointment. You can always drop off a pie or something on their porch if you want to contribute to the gathering.
And hey, it’s 24 hours. We’ve made it this far—we can get through a day. Even if we do it one minute at a time.
Be sweet to yourselves!
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