Spoonie Holiday Survival Guide Part 6: Three Ways to Do the New Year Differently
Here we are, at the last installment of the holiday survival guide…New Year’s edition.
It happens every year. The calendar flips a page, and we are bombarded with messages about how to make ourselves better, faster, stronger, thinner, smarter, more organized, more attractive, richer, happier….how to make ourselves anything but what we already are. Whenever we get these messages, the underlying implication is that we aren’t enough just as we are. What is sold as self-improvement is actually thinly veiled criticism.
How to build immunity to these messages of inadequacy? Self-compassion and kindness. And here’s three steps towards getting more of that while focusing less on not measuring up to some impossible standard.
One: Remember You’re Human
No matter how far technology has come or how many self-improvement books we read, we are still human. Being human means that we are inherently flawed, messy, and stumbling through life the best we can. We are never going to be perfect, because human beings can’t be. There’s no way. Anyone who seems like they’re doing everything perfectly is either 1) hiding the areas of their lives that are messy or 2) paying someone to help them juggle things. So embrace the jumbled bumbling imperfection of it all as much as you can. It doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you—it means that you’re part of the human race.
Two: Work with What You Already Have
This year, if you do want to make changes, consider taking a gentle route of expanding upon something that you already do. Focus on your strengths. For example, if you already drink four glasses of water a day, see what it’s like to add one more. If you love to write, maybe add 10 minutes of writing a week into your schedule. If you already have a movement practice, you could add 5 minutes to it. The idea is to take something you already do or know and expand it, rather than forcing a drastic change all at once.
Three: Meet Yourself with Kindness
Whether you decide to make changes or not this year, treat yourself gently. This doesn’t mean letting ourselves off the hook completely. Think of how a loving parent might talk to a child. Our self-talk can be a mix of gentle encouragement and kindly setting limits. For example: “Okay, I know that you’re really tired and achy today, and I know that you also need to make that phone call and run that errand before 4. Let’s just get up for one hour and do that, and then you can curl up and have a rest afterwards. I know it’s hard, and I know that you’ll feel relieved after you take care of these things.”
These are just a few ways to start befriending yourself this year. I hope that you can meet 2020 and yourself in a more loving way, seeing your strengths rather than your flaws, and embracing all the mess of being a human being. I’ll be here along the way to help you do just that.
