dothethings

Social Distancing Tips from a Professional Introvert Spoonie Shrink

Social Distancing Tips from a Professional Introvert Spoonie Shrink

So you’ve decided to (or been forced to) do the kind and socially responsible thing and stay at home while COVID-19 rolls up into your area. Thank you for helping slow the spread and flatten that curve so our hospitals and other resources can try to keep up with the demands on them!

But now what? After that glow of doing your part to save humanity wears off, what on earth do you do with these days and/or week ahead? How do you emotionally and mentally get through it?

I’m going to share with you everything I’ve learned from my experiences as 1) someone who works at home; 2) a hard-core introvert; 3) someone living with multiple chronic illnesses; and 4) a licensed clinical psychologist.

What My Mom Taught Me about Being Multipassionate

What My Mom Taught Me about Being Multipassionate

We grow up in all kinds of environments. You might have heard people talk about not knowing what a healthy marriage looks like since their parents didn’t have one. That goes for our dreams as well! If we don’t have a model for what’s possible, our dreams might be tiny. (Not that there’s anything wrong with tiny dreams! They can be really achievable and satisfying.)

Here are three types of models we might have for careers and dreams.

The Perfection Dragon Will Hoard Your Dreams (and Three Reasons Why)

The Perfection Dragon Will Hoard Your Dreams (and Three Reasons Why)

Dragons hoard, right? There are so many images of them curled up on a pile of gold and gems….which can’t be all that comfortable! So many lumps and hard surfaces and pointy things.

In my own life, as well as with my clients, I find it helps to personify things. In this case, let’s call perfectionism the Perfection Dragon. It hoards, it’s dramatic, and it symbolizes something mythical.

Your Mind Will Tell You These Three Lies (and Here Are the Antidotes!)

Your Mind Will Tell You These Three Lies (and Here Are the Antidotes!)

It’s harder than it sounds sometimes to just do stuff…we can have hobbies and business ideas that we adore, that light us up and make us bounce a little in our seat.

And then we don’t do them.

We think about it. We talk about it. We might even make a list of steps or materials that we need.

And we stay on the couch or in the bed or work late at our day job. Because, you know…one day.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we deprive ourselves of what we want and need most? Minds are so tricky! Here are three lies they like to tell us that keep us from doing what we love—and the antidotes.

Being Multipassionate: Three Steps to Make the Most of Your Many (Creative) Loves

Being Multipassionate: Three Steps to Make the Most of Your Many (Creative) Loves

Ever been told that you were flaky for being this way? Or that you needed to pick one thing to do for the rest of your life? That stuff comes from an outdated industrial-age way of thinking that saw people as needing to be really specific and specialized. That specialization is great if you’re a worker on an assembly line turning one bolt over and over, but it’s not as relevant to the way that work and careers are changing, or the way that they will be in the future. We have computers and robots and AI to do that bolt-turning now, and what we’ll need more and more are the human soft skills (like empathy), creativity and synthesis of ideas that aren’t easily replicated by AI.

The good news? That’s where multipassionate people like us shine.

That’s not to say that we don’t need help or that we can’t do this better. Here are three ways you can make the most of your magnificent multipassionate spirit.

Spoonie Holiday Survival Guide Part 6: Three Ways to Do the New Year Differently

Spoonie Holiday Survival Guide Part 6: Three Ways to Do the New Year Differently

It happens every year. The calendar flips a page, and we are bombarded with messages about how to make ourselves better, faster, stronger, thinner, smarter, more organized, more attractive, richer, happier….how to make ourselves anything but what we already are. Whenever we get these messages, the underlying implication is that we aren’t enough just as we are. What is sold as self-improvement is actually thinly veiled criticism.

How to build immunity to these messages of inadequacy? Self-compassion and kindness. And here’s three steps towards getting more of that while focusing less on not measuring up to some impossible standard.

Holiday Survival Guide: Part 2. Three Steps to Set Yourself Up for Sustainability

Having spent much of my life as a student, I was used to the rhythm of semesters and quarters. As final exams neared, I’d push myself harder, until near the end I was running on Mountain Dew and chips. But I always knew that I could collapse onto the couch the week after finals to recover. Run, sprint, crash. Run, sprint, crash. It worked somehow.

Out in the non-academic world, we are often asked to run and sprint. What we don’t have is that built-in recovery period that school offers. And yet we still run and sprint—often until our bodies make us crash.

But what do we do instead?

I’m going to use the B-word here. Nah, not that one. This one: budget. I know, I know. The idea of a budget stirs up resistance, scarcity, rebellion, anxiety, boredom….all kinds of reactions.

It might help to think of a budget as making a mindful choice. Setting intentions. That’s what it is at heart. We have a certain amount of something, and we decide ahead of time how and where we can use it to make the most positive difference in our lives. To be sustainable this month, you’re probably going to need to make yourself a plan for how you want to spend your energy and time while minimizing (as much as you can) the negative aftereffects.

Follow these steps to make your plan:

Step One: Create Categories

Before doing anything else, brainstorm the 3-5 categories or areas that are really important to you. For example, this could be friends, self-care, family time, work, volunteering, creative time…you decide. If it’s not already in there, make sure to add one for essentials (the stuff you have to do to keep your life running, like paying bills and stuff).

Step Two: Look at Your Calendar

Now that you have your categories, pull out your calendar (or make one) for the month of December. In a separate place, list out anything you have already committed to or know that you want to do this month.

Put a category from Step One by each of those activities. If you don’t have any activities in a certain category, or not very many, then think of a few that would fit and add them to the list. If you have a bunch in a category, think about if you can take a few off the list or do them for a shorter amount of time.

Step Three: Plan Your Month

Take the items from the Step Two list and put them on your calendar. For the ones that don’t have a scheduled time, like “read for an hour,” pick a time and day for them. Look at the month as a whole and make sure there aren’t too many activities in one day or week, or, if there are, then see if you can clear out some time after them to recover. The goal here is to find a steady, sustainable pace.

Of course, any plan or budget is subject to change, so you can be flexible with this. The main goal is to identify what’s really important to you and to make sure that you have the time and space to do that stuff. Doing that can have a positive snowball effect, making us feel better about ourselves and our lives.

There you have it, short and sweet. Work your way through those three steps—and drop me a note if you have any questions! And if you haven’t already, the Chronic Comebacks to Nosy Questions is still available for free download (click here). It’s your cheat sheet to dealing with those obnoxious questions we spoonies get asked at work and in social situations all the time. So until next time, be sweet to your spoonie selves!

 

Spoon Saver: How to Ask for Things and Say No to Things

Spoon Saver: How to Ask for Things and Say No to Things

As a spoonie, there’s a lot to ask for and a lot to say no to. It took me years to get really comfortable advocating for myself, especially at work and in medical settings. Thought I’d save you some time and share a structure that has been helpful for me.